


Five times Tony didn't get what he thought he wanted (and once he did)

by Blackghost7



Category: NCIS
Genre: Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 08:34:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3113180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackghost7/pseuds/Blackghost7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony tries to find what he's really looking for...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five times Tony didn't get what he thought he wanted (and once he did)

1.    Wendy  
   
It had taken some time, but when Tony had realized that what he felt for Wendy was something more and deeper than he had ever felt for anyone else, he had made his decision. Choosing the ring had been the easy part, actually asking her had been far more difficult and nerve-wracking. When she said yes, he felt pleased and grateful, and wondered only briefly where the elation was that he had heard his friends talk about when they told him about their own accepted proposals. And when the ring didn’t fit and he had to take it back, he didn’t even entertain the thought that it was an omen.  
At Danny’s teasing about his clothes and looks, Tony said he planned to be married by the time his looks faded, and meant it. He wanted that constancy of marriage, not having to be out there all the time searching for someone to be close to for a while, and thought Wendy would be the one who could keep him settled and grounded.  
   
But then the Navy Guy came to town, and Danny turned out to be dirty, and Wendy threw his ring back in his face when he refused to tell her what had gone wrong between him and Danny, and Tony told her that he was taking a job with the Navy Guy at NCIS.  
   
Gibbs was there for him when it all went to hell, inviting him over to his house and letting him spend long nights in his basement, drinking and fuming until he finally got over it. And when he started exploring his new city and discovered how many fresh new people there were for him to try and seduce, he wondered how he ever could have thought that marrying Wendy was what he wanted.  
   
   
2.    Abby  
   
The first time Tony ever laid eyes on Abby, being sent down to her lab to get some results on his second day at NCIS, Tony was fascinated. During his time on the force, he had met all kinds and types, but the cheerful, tattooed goth scientist blew him away. He found excuses to visit her and turned on the charm, and slowly she seemed to warm up to him. The first time she agreed to join him for lunch, he thought he was in, and he pulled out all the stops, flirting and smiling, making her laugh. She seemed amused by him and her eyes sparkled as she hugged him whenever he came down to her lab, but she hadn’t let him kiss her and had not yet agreed to go on a proper date with him. Every time he asked, she gave him this knowing little smirk as if she knew a secret he had yet to figure out, little knowing that it would take him years...  
   
Three weeks into his courtship of Abby, Gibbs had taken Tony back to his place for steaks and beers, and had then made it clear to Tony in no uncertain terms that Abby was off limits, and that he had better keep his hands and lips to himself. Cowed by Gibbs’ admonishment, Tony had toned it down, and he and Abby had become friends. He wondered sometimes about the relationship between Abby and Gibbs, and why he had been warned off, especially when baby-faced McGee showed up and was allowed to date Abby without so much as a blink of an eye from Gibbs.  
   
But looking back now, he knew Gibbs had been right. Tony loved Abby like a little sister, and wondered how he ever could have thought that seducing Abby was what he wanted.  
   
   
3.    Jeanne  
   
Even though he deliberately set out to woo her for his undercover assignment, Tony eventually started to feel more for Jeanne than he had expected, more than was wise. Deep in his heart he knew that it couldn’t end well, but his feelings for her kept growing and getting deeper, and he tried to fool himself into believing that if only he had the chance to explain, she would see his true self and forgive him for his deception.  
   
When it all blew to hell, literally, – oh, his poor car – he admitted to himself that there really had never been a chance that he would end up with her, despite her little note that said he should choose. The choice she wanted him to make really wasn’t a choice, and as he sat there next to the fireplace, looking over at his team and Gibbs standing there waiting for him, he felt more warmed by that than by the actual fire burning next to him.  
   
And when that evening he was sitting in Gibbs’ basement, and the older man squeezed his shoulder and asked him if he was alright, Tony smiled up at his boss, feeling warm and safe and cared for, and wondered how he ever could have thought that being with Jeanne was what he wanted.  
   
   
4.    EJ  
   
He was smitten with her before he knew it. EJ was a firecracker, strong and sassy and independent, and pretty, let’s not forget that. She seemed to be an excellent partner for him, knew about the job and understood it, not afraid to speak her mind, keeping him on his toes. She was damn near perfect, he'd thought, and they spent a delightful couple of months playing with each other.  
   
But Gibbs seemed pissed at him, had warned EJ to leave Tony alone, and when things turned out to be different than Tony had thought and he was suddenly on an undercover assignment again, then being left for dead in an alley by the woman he had thought understood him, he wondered how he ever could have thought that EJ was what he wanted.  
   
   
5.    Ziva  
   
The attraction to Ziva had always been there, and Tony knew it was mutual, but they enjoyed their playful bickering and valued each other as partners too much to do anything to ruin their relationship. But when Ziva decided to leave, went back home to Israel and then disappeared, Tony felt a part of his life was missing. So he went in search of it.  
   
Gibbs indulged him, let him finish his self-appointed mission, and when Tony found her, for a moment he felt complete again. Talking with her and spending those few days with her in Israel, Tony started seeing things differently though. He realized he loved her, yes, but what he had thought was this profound romantic love, turned out to be something else. And as he kissed her goodbye at the airport, he knew his search had been about family, his family at NCIS and his unwillingness to lose that.  
   
So when he returned to DC, it was inevitable that he found himself in Gibbs’ basement, and the older man had taken one look at him and seen that Tony now understood what Gibbs had known all along. Seeing the knowing and sympathetic look in those piercing blue eyes, Tony wondered how he ever could have thought that Ziva had been what he wanted.  
   
   
6.    Gibbs  
   
Looking back on his years at NCIS and his relationships, Tony finally noticed the pattern, and considered what it meant. The one constant that had always been there, that meant more to him than anything or anyone, was Gibbs. Tony had followed the man almost blindly since day one, done pretty much anything to please the man and make him proud, and had no problems admitting to himself that he was attracted to Gibbs. Not one to dismiss half the world in search of love simply because they were men, Tony had always been pretty open minded and had had a few experiences with men that had proved him right not to dismiss them.  
   
Tony had been looking for someone who could settle and ground him, someone who fascinated him, someone who’d see and love the real him, someone who challenged him and someone who trusted him, who he could trust in return. He’d been looking for family, someone to make him feel complete. And while he had found parts of that with other people, there was only one person who embodied all of the above.  
   
Sitting here now, after his return from Israel and seeing the knowing look Gibbs threw at him, Tony got a little knowing look of his own on his face. Standing up and walking over to Gibbs, he leaned down and gently kissed the older man, offering up his heart in the tender caresses of lips against lips, but knowing that Gibbs would keep his heart safe, and protect it as something precious.  
   
Looking into Gibbs’ eyes, Tony simply said: “I get it now.” “Good,” was all the reply he got, before Gibbs pulled him down for another kiss.  
   
And later, lying in his lover’s arms, warm and sated and finally whole, Tony wondered how it could be possible that he had never before known that he wanted Gibbs.  
But Tony wasn’t stupid, and once he learned something he never forgot it. And he never stopped wanting Gibbs, and never ever let him go.  
   
 


End file.
